sourcedumal:

dinosaurstalking:

theonion:

Teenage Girl Blossoming Into Beautiful Object: Full Story

Holy—

“Ashley has really developed into quite a striking assemblage of physical attributes that are found to be sexually attractive in our culture,” said Parker’s uncle Keith Hayes, expressing astonishment at how his niece had steadily matured from a precocious youth into a shapely, ravishing thing devoid of intellect and personality. “It’s hard to believe that she used to be that little girl [capable of subjective experiences] that I remember. Now look at her—she’s such a lovely vessel for displaced sexual frustration and voyeuristic lust, just like her mother.”

“Seems like just yesterday she was this creative 7-year-old kid, pretending her Barbie was the first woman president,” Hayes added. “My, they grow into little more than consumer goods so quickly.”

Marveling at the rite of passage that all females make from girlhood into entirely disempowered objecthood, Hayes expressed confidence that the 17-year-old would one day become a highly prized physical possession for “one lucky guy.”

The Onion’s feeling sassy today

DAMN….. The Onion is on point….

(Source: 25thcentury)

sfmoma:

nprfreshair:

Just some Friday afternoon thoughts.

Love this, especially #13, #15, #24, #30, and (of course) #32. TGIF!

(Source: airows)

youregonnalovetomorrow:

Angela Lansbury in Bedknobs and Broomsticks.

The most lovable sociopath ever. Plus he’s a douche that you just can’t bring yourself to always hate. 

yeezytaughtusall:

Some of Ye greatest tweets:

On responsibility:

“I hate when I’m on a flight and I wake up with a water bottle next to me like oh great now I gotta be responsible for this water bottle”

On the value of privacy:

“Sometimes I push the elevator close button on people running towards the elevator. I just need my own elevator sometimes, my 7 floor sanctuary”

On diversity:

“Man… ninjas are kind of cool… I just don’t know any personally.”

On giving credit where credit is due:

“I would like to thank Julius Caesar for originating my hairstyle”

On hardship:

“Fur pillows are actually hard to sleep on”

On fielding tough questions:

“I know everybody at Rolling Stone had one question on there mind… and the answer is… yes, the shoes are Dreis”

On disappointment:

“I specifically ordered persian rugs with cherub imagery!!! What do I have to do to get a simple persian rug with cherub imagery uuuugh”

On aesthetics:

“Sometimes I get emotional over fonts”

On knowing your strengths:

“I make awesome decisions in bike stores!!!”

On professionalism:

“Never do coke with an intern … they may not be 21”

On looking good:

“She asked when is fashion week…. uuuum… I thought it was every week??!!”

On mathematics:

“My favorite unit of measurement is ‘a shit load.’”

On productive use of all 140 characters in a tweet:

“hahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahah aaand 140”

On making small talk:

“No seriously … I said my teeth are real diamonds… these are not fronts… I replaced my bottom row of teeth with diamonds”

On how to ring in the New Year (tweeted on Jan 1, 2011):

“ASS ON THE FLOOR”

On online etiquette:

“You can basically say anything to someone on an email or text as long as you put LOL at the end”

On humility:

“I have started a new company and I’m so excited about the name…. it’s got the best name ever of all companies of all time!!!….”

On… we’re still figuring this one out:

“I just threw some kazoo on this bitch”

iheartmyart:

¥¥¥¥¥P∆†¥¥¥¥¥, Untitled, Outlived II, ink on paper, 18x24”, 2012

draodoir-mna:

iquitelikeitthatway:

e-boobs:

labyrinthinelasermoon:

muffystopheles:

all the sciencey nerdy feels. 

In this same vein:

screams

“We ourselves are made of Stardust.” - Carl Sagan

Just sayin’

Reasons why I love science and the Universe.

(Source: imgfave)